perfect in weakness

This past week has been somewhat difficult for me. There has been multiple times that I was left feeling vulnerable and in doubt of myself.

See, I decided to let people see some of the "inside" of me.

Some of my heart.

Some of my pains.

Some of my burdens.

Some of my weaknesses....

Some of my mess.

As I was talking to a friend that was feeling the same way, I realized, there is nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable. Isn't that showing humility? Isn't that being truthful? Isn't that showing who God made us to be?

"But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all
the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on
me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I
am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)

I have always said, be yourself. Don't adjust yourself to please someone else. Don't be fake. Be real. Be true to who you are. You have a greater purpose. A plan, that God Himself has laid out for you. And whether you want it to or not, it involves your mess.

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The marathon

I will be honest, today was a difficult day for me. Nothing really out of the ordinary but for some reason I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt smothered by my kids, unfortunately not with hugs and kisses. But rather with whining and busy bodies that were into everything they shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly, but today I needed a break.

Running is always a good outlet for me. I love running with someone, it is a great time for conversation without interruptions. To be able to focus on just that person. I also like running by myself though. I find that when I run by myself that is when I have my best chance to focus on talking with God. I find that when I run, I can stop and listen to Him.

Lately I find myself asking God, "Am I fulfilling my purpose? Am I pleasing You? Am I doing enough?"

My mind seemed to go blank for a few minutes after asking this question....

Then, it came to me...It isn't a sprint it is a marathon.

I remember hearing something like that before.

But it made perfect sense for me now. I keep praying and asking God if I am making Him happy, doing everything He wants me to do. But He is telling me to slow down...it isn't a sprint, it is a marathon. A test of your endurance. It is a journey. As I was running, it was getting harder but I just kept telling myself I wasn't going to stop. How would we ever be able to conquer trials if we didn't have the endurance to press on. No one says it is easy, but you have to keep going. So I did. My family was riding their bikes WAY behind me so as I was waiting for them to catch up, I started to walk back towards them, but then stopped realizing I needed to keep moving forward. So I started running again down the trails and cul-de-sacs so they could catch up with me. That is when it hit me, you will go through many obstacles, some that will take you in circles. Some that will make you want to run backwards. Some that will have you trying to catch your breathe.

As I was running on the soft trail, I keep thinking, "Well this is hard!"

So I ask you, would you rather run on shifting sand, like the world that is constantly changing? Or on a solid concrete path, like God that is always constant?

Trust God. His timing is perfect.

SING!

Okay, I have to admit that I am not much of a singer. In high school I was asked to sing in my friends band, he said I reminded him of Courtney Love, if that tells ya anything.
But I find music so powerful. There are certain songs that I can never get tired of.

Songs that will always make me cry.

Songs that remind me of a time in my life.

Songs that give me strength.

Songs that give me that feeling inside that I just want to burst.

Songs that make you raise your arms to the Heavens.

Songs that say exactly what I feel.

I just love it when there is a song that does all of that! It is like my theme song (for you Ally McBeal fans). You know the one that takes you to another place, you don't care who hears you singing it. It is what is on your heart. For me, that song is Ready by Third Day.
Here are the lyrics:

I’m ready for the winds to change
I’m ready for a brighter day
I’m ready for the sun to shine down on me
I’m waiting for a song to sing
I’m looking for a brand new thing
I’m ready now to live a life that I believe

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now

I’m ready for the truth to be
Something that can set us free
Does anybody still believe we’ll make it through
I’m ready now to take a stand
To live life for more than myself
Tell me now, my friend, are you ready, too

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of
us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re
the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change
that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now

I can’t sit around waiting for it all to change
It’s gonna take every single one of us doing what we can
There’s lots of fighting in this world but there’s so much loving,too
So take my hand, I’m ready now for you

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of
us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re
the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change
that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now
Lord knows I’m ready
You know I’m ready

I’m ready for the winds to change
I’m ready for a brighter day

words by Mac Powell / music by Third Day / © 2008 Consuming Fire Music (ASCAP).
All rights administered by EMI CMG Publishing.

What's your song?

Thirst for Knowledge

I am amazed at this little girls thirst for knowledge. The other day we were driving through downtown St. Augustine and there was 2 people sitting on the curb with a sign, saying they were homeless and needed help. MaKenzie & Logan couldn't take their eyes off of them while we sat at the traffic light. As the light turned green and we started on our way she asked me, "Mommy, why are those people sitting there?" So I began to tell her how some people out there don't have a home, or a bed, or clean clothes, or food, or a car, etc. She kept asking why. So I explained to her that they most likely didn't have a job so they couldn't make money to afford those things. Every night when she says her prayers we say "Thank You God __________"
She has to fill in the blank of something she is thankful for. Either seeing someone (a friend or family member), for healthy food to eat, etc. Sometimes when we have had a day where we haven't gone anywhere or done much she will ask me what she should be thankful for. I will tell her, "that you are here another day, that you have a house to keep you safe and dry, that you have a bed to sleep in, that you have clothes to wear, that you have a family that loves you, etc."
Well I think she finally understood what I mean when I say she should be thankful for some of these things.
So we continued to talk about it. I asked her what WE could do to help others. She told me that we could build them a house. I told her, "yes we could, but think of something else we can do.." She then asked me, "Do kids live on the street too?" I told her "yes". She then answered my question, "giving them my toys?" Every few months we go through all the toys in the house to donate. She said, "But mommy I just gave some of my toys away." I told her, " I know, but what if there is another child out there that doesn't have ANY favorite toy like you have your baby doll? Don't you think one of the toys you give to another child could be their lovey?" She said, "Yes" I asked her how all this made her feel thinking that there were some people without a home, etc. She said it made her feel sad. I think she got it.

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