perfect in weakness

This past week has been somewhat difficult for me. There has been multiple times that I was left feeling vulnerable and in doubt of myself.

See, I decided to let people see some of the "inside" of me.

Some of my heart.

Some of my pains.

Some of my burdens.

Some of my weaknesses....

Some of my mess.

As I was talking to a friend that was feeling the same way, I realized, there is nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable. Isn't that showing humility? Isn't that being truthful? Isn't that showing who God made us to be?

"But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my
power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all
the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on
me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults,
in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I
am strong." (2 Corinthians 12:9-11)

I have always said, be yourself. Don't adjust yourself to please someone else. Don't be fake. Be real. Be true to who you are. You have a greater purpose. A plan, that God Himself has laid out for you. And whether you want it to or not, it involves your mess.

pictures

Pictures

The marathon

I will be honest, today was a difficult day for me. Nothing really out of the ordinary but for some reason I just felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt smothered by my kids, unfortunately not with hugs and kisses. But rather with whining and busy bodies that were into everything they shouldn't be. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids dearly, but today I needed a break.

Running is always a good outlet for me. I love running with someone, it is a great time for conversation without interruptions. To be able to focus on just that person. I also like running by myself though. I find that when I run by myself that is when I have my best chance to focus on talking with God. I find that when I run, I can stop and listen to Him.

Lately I find myself asking God, "Am I fulfilling my purpose? Am I pleasing You? Am I doing enough?"

My mind seemed to go blank for a few minutes after asking this question....

Then, it came to me...It isn't a sprint it is a marathon.

I remember hearing something like that before.

But it made perfect sense for me now. I keep praying and asking God if I am making Him happy, doing everything He wants me to do. But He is telling me to slow down...it isn't a sprint, it is a marathon. A test of your endurance. It is a journey. As I was running, it was getting harder but I just kept telling myself I wasn't going to stop. How would we ever be able to conquer trials if we didn't have the endurance to press on. No one says it is easy, but you have to keep going. So I did. My family was riding their bikes WAY behind me so as I was waiting for them to catch up, I started to walk back towards them, but then stopped realizing I needed to keep moving forward. So I started running again down the trails and cul-de-sacs so they could catch up with me. That is when it hit me, you will go through many obstacles, some that will take you in circles. Some that will make you want to run backwards. Some that will have you trying to catch your breathe.

As I was running on the soft trail, I keep thinking, "Well this is hard!"

So I ask you, would you rather run on shifting sand, like the world that is constantly changing? Or on a solid concrete path, like God that is always constant?

Trust God. His timing is perfect.

SING!

Okay, I have to admit that I am not much of a singer. In high school I was asked to sing in my friends band, he said I reminded him of Courtney Love, if that tells ya anything.
But I find music so powerful. There are certain songs that I can never get tired of.

Songs that will always make me cry.

Songs that remind me of a time in my life.

Songs that give me strength.

Songs that give me that feeling inside that I just want to burst.

Songs that make you raise your arms to the Heavens.

Songs that say exactly what I feel.

I just love it when there is a song that does all of that! It is like my theme song (for you Ally McBeal fans). You know the one that takes you to another place, you don't care who hears you singing it. It is what is on your heart. For me, that song is Ready by Third Day.
Here are the lyrics:

I’m ready for the winds to change
I’m ready for a brighter day
I’m ready for the sun to shine down on me
I’m waiting for a song to sing
I’m looking for a brand new thing
I’m ready now to live a life that I believe

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now

I’m ready for the truth to be
Something that can set us free
Does anybody still believe we’ll make it through
I’m ready now to take a stand
To live life for more than myself
Tell me now, my friend, are you ready, too

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of
us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re
the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change
that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now

I can’t sit around waiting for it all to change
It’s gonna take every single one of us doing what we can
There’s lots of fighting in this world but there’s so much loving,too
So take my hand, I’m ready now for you

I want the world to turn because of love
And mercy to find each of
us
Doing what we can to just believe
I want the world to know that You’re
the One
Who fills me up and gives me hope
And brings about this change
that’s in me
Oh yeah, I’m ready, yeah
You know I’m ready now
Lord knows I’m ready
You know I’m ready

I’m ready for the winds to change
I’m ready for a brighter day

words by Mac Powell / music by Third Day / © 2008 Consuming Fire Music (ASCAP).
All rights administered by EMI CMG Publishing.

What's your song?

Thirst for Knowledge

I am amazed at this little girls thirst for knowledge. The other day we were driving through downtown St. Augustine and there was 2 people sitting on the curb with a sign, saying they were homeless and needed help. MaKenzie & Logan couldn't take their eyes off of them while we sat at the traffic light. As the light turned green and we started on our way she asked me, "Mommy, why are those people sitting there?" So I began to tell her how some people out there don't have a home, or a bed, or clean clothes, or food, or a car, etc. She kept asking why. So I explained to her that they most likely didn't have a job so they couldn't make money to afford those things. Every night when she says her prayers we say "Thank You God __________"
She has to fill in the blank of something she is thankful for. Either seeing someone (a friend or family member), for healthy food to eat, etc. Sometimes when we have had a day where we haven't gone anywhere or done much she will ask me what she should be thankful for. I will tell her, "that you are here another day, that you have a house to keep you safe and dry, that you have a bed to sleep in, that you have clothes to wear, that you have a family that loves you, etc."
Well I think she finally understood what I mean when I say she should be thankful for some of these things.
So we continued to talk about it. I asked her what WE could do to help others. She told me that we could build them a house. I told her, "yes we could, but think of something else we can do.." She then asked me, "Do kids live on the street too?" I told her "yes". She then answered my question, "giving them my toys?" Every few months we go through all the toys in the house to donate. She said, "But mommy I just gave some of my toys away." I told her, " I know, but what if there is another child out there that doesn't have ANY favorite toy like you have your baby doll? Don't you think one of the toys you give to another child could be their lovey?" She said, "Yes" I asked her how all this made her feel thinking that there were some people without a home, etc. She said it made her feel sad. I think she got it.

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"Be still and know that I am God"

These past few months have been hard ones for my family. With the ecomony on the downward spiral Jason's job hasn't been very secure. He works for a very small company, that was just starting out when the economy started taking a fall.

Last Monday he went into work to find out the buisness was closing it's doors.

I remembered when Jason had lost his job at Vestcor due to down sizing. This was back when we were dating and only had ourselves to worry about. I quickly remembered how scared I was then. Why? I wonder now.

Amazingly, this time around with a house payment we can barely afford, 2 kids, 3 pets...we didn't get scared. There were moments where Jason became a little worried. But we just had to remind ourselves that God was in control. To have Faith in Him. To trust that He would take care of us. Something we read to remind us is this little card I have that says, "When Jesus is all we have, we realize He's all we need."

I asked Jason what was important to him. Was the house important to him? He answered that the kids and I was what is important to him. So I just told him, "well...we aren't going anywhere. Sure we might lose this house and the down payment. Yes that would be crappy but a house and money isn't everything. God has a path for us that we might not be able to see right now. We might be going through this time in our lives because we were too comfortable and God wants us to move on. Anyway it happens He will provide what we need. It might not all be what we want, but it is all part of our journey for Him. Trials help us learn, to open our hearts and let down our walls of pride and to let God use us to share Him with others." Through amazing prayer from so many people (that we are ever so grateful) Jason has his job back. The economy is still unstable so everything isn't in the clear but out of this whole time, there was an amazing sense of calm. I know that is a God thing.

The need to forgive

When I read this, I knew it was something that needed to be shared. Everyone struggles with forgiveness. I think this insert really nails it.

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because
God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."

C.S. Lewis

"It has been said that life is an exercise in forgiveness. And it
should be added that forgiveness is an essential step in overcoming tough
times.

Christ understood the importance of forgiveness when he
commanded, "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you" (Matthew
5:43-44). But sometimes , forgiveness is difficult indeed.

When we have been injured or embarrassed, we feel the urge to
strike back and to hurt the ones who have hurt us. But Christ instructs us
to do otherwise. Christ teaches us that forgiveness is God's way and that mercy is an integral part of God's plan for our lives. In short, we are commanded to
weave the thread of forgiveness into the very fabric of our lives.

Do you invest more time than you should reliving the
past? Are you troubled by feelings of anger, bitterness, envy, or
regret? Do you harbor ill will against someone whom you simply can't seem
to forgive? If so, it's time to finally get serious about
forgiveness.

When someone hurts you, the act of forgiveness is difficult,
but necessary. Until you forgive, you are trapped
in a prison of your own creation.

But what if you have tried to forgive and simply can't seem to
do so? The solution to your dilemma is this: you simply must make
forgiveness a higher priority in your life.

Most of us don't spend too much time thinking about
forgiveness; we worry, instead about the injustices we have suffered and the
people who inflicted them. God has a better plan: He wants us to live in
the present, not the past, and He knows that in order to do so, we must forgive
those who have harmed us.

Have you made forgiveness a high priority? Have you sincerely asked
God to forgive you for your inability to forgive others? Have you
genuinely prayed that those feeling of anger might be swept from your
heart? If so, congratulations. If not, perhaps it's time to move
past your own particular tough times by freeing yourself from the chains of
bitterness and regret.

Remember that God didn't say forgiveness was optional;

it's a commandment."

I am definitely a person that has been bad with forgiveness. There were times in my life, I realize now, if I could have only forgiven I could have caused so much less grief then needed be.

An expression I have heard again recently is that "you are equal to most but better than some".

Well, I never REALLY thought about that until recently. And when I thought about it, I disagreed. I couldn't figure out the words to tell this person that I am no better than anyone else. But, I don't even look at life like that anymore. It isn't a matter of everyone else and their status, their job, their house, their anything. We all have a judgment day before God and on that day, I want Jesus standing beside me. When that day comes, God isn't going to judge me compared to others. He is going to judge me on MY character, MY loyalty, MY love, MY trust, etc... I am not even supposed to judge myself. I am just supposed to ask God to show me his path, to forgive, to love, to witness, to care for. I think so much judgement is stemmed from the way the "quote, good life" looks like. Every time I catch myself being even the slightest bit judgemental or unforgiving now, I remind myself of what Jesus said on the cross, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34)

If we are supposed to be Christ like and He can show that concern for those who harmed Him, I am in no way perfect, but I can do my best with His guidance and prayer to be forgiving and show concern as well.

SHARE!

This is a site I have created as a way to share how Christ is working in our lives.

Please feel free to leave any comments with your stories, suggestions, discussions, quotes, etc.

My Devotional

All of us have a favorite Bible verse.

Something that warms our hearts.

Something that encourages us.

Something that reminds us of the path God has set us here to do.

Something that gives us hope, security, and a sense of feeling loved and never alone.

To bare the fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galations 5:22-23)

To show humility and not pass judgement, "Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." (Romans 14:13)

To come as a child seeking to live life as if Jesus were standing next to us at all times. "The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." (Romans 8:16)That means, "the inner testimony of the Holy Spirit to our relationship with Christ."

What would you share with others about your personal relationship with Christ?

Were you born with the desire to know and love him?

Did you seek him through knowledge?

Or did you come to know him through crisis?

Any way you have come to the Lord is your personal testimony.

"And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others." (2 Timothy 2:2)

"Disciples need to be equipped to pass on their faith; our work is not done until new believers are able to make disciples of others."

"You don't need to know all the answers in order to share Christ with others. It is important to tell them how he has changed YOUR life. Then trust that God will use your word to help others believe in him too."